Your Pain Is Your Solution
Kitsugi And The Myth Of Resilience.
The Beauty Of Broken Things And A Metaphor Of Transforming The Ugly Into Beauty:
“Don’t get lost in your pain, know that one day your pain will become your cure. ”
As I am sitting here on the sofa writing these lines after an extensive, energetic and spectacular sunrise walk along the beach with my dog, I am contemplating about the conversation I had yesterday with my yoga teacher, and big inspiration for me, about the current world situation. It left me with a profound desire to put my thoughts in words, which so often I feel like is failing when I try to communicate myself. This is why I have come to love writing when I have something burning in my heart. Sitting with a cup of tea in her living room, we were reflecting on how humanity had possibly come to this point where depression and violence seems to slowly suffocate the last bit of goodness and peace in humanity. We were talking about some of our past experiences and upon observing how some people in our environment are handling personal challenges, hardships and difficult emotions such as anger, sadness, frustration. How it can be possible that with such an advanced society, the newest technology, so much material and non-material luxury and freedom in this modern world - that humanity is at such a tragic point of history. There is more depression, mental and physical illnesses, conflicts, wars, domestic violence than ever before. And I ask myself: Why is this happening? What piece of the puzzle are we missing?
Deep down we are all the same. Every human being wants the same in life: Love, joy, peace, happiness, freedom. In our hearts we are pure and full of light.
So, why does it seem so difficult to see this reflected in this world? Why is it such a struggle to manifest more love and less war? Why is the exact opposite happening on earth of what our hearts desire so desperately? The one things we desire to feel in our hearts, to live with our families and friends, to live in our workplace and everywhere we go? Somewhere, and I can’t remember who it was, said: “You can’t have a war going on inside of you and expect peace in the world.”
Of course it makes sense to always question your own being and doing in this world before you can even try to understand what and why is happening outside of you and inside of other people you see struggling. It’s almost impossible to understand others and the general problems we are facing if you can’t understand yourself in the first place. This important and very painful insight in 2024 has shaken me up from my own inner struggles and conflicts I was dealing with in my heart. I focused so much on what my head and the external world kept dictating me and the accumulated pain and trauma that I completely lost connection with my inner guidance and my truth in this world. I was so blind to what I was doing to myself on a daily basis, especially the suffering I kept inflicting on myself by resisting to let go of the past, forgive and feel the unhealed pain. Katie Byron speaks of “The Work”, Joseph Campbell of “The Hero’s Path” others speak of rediscovering the god in you. In the end it all comes down to healing yourself in order to heal the world. Give what you want or what you needed as a child but weren’t given. Awaken this part of you because it’s still there… just a bit rusty.
Sometimes we think we know, see and understand something when in fact it has just been a nudge, a door-opening of a starting point to a deeper knowledge and wisdom of your life and why you are here. This is the moment you know there is no other option than stretching yourself the way you have never dared to stretch yourself before and making your way down into the darkest and most unknown parts of your being. When you decide to undertake this journey to the hidden parts of yourself, also known in certain spiritual cultures as your soul’s journey or the healing journey, you will get in contact with a world that is as real as this earth and has always been there but ignored and put away because of the society’s conditioning and its brain wash to disconnect from your true essence and the truth of who you really are in a limited world where fear and control is commonplace.
The fear of what? The fear of reliving the pain we experienced in our childhood and other past situations and are still very present and very real in our body. It has taken me years to understand the problems of this world and it was right there in front of me, just like the glasses on your nose you are desperately trying to find because you think you misplaced them somewhere. The answer is truly right in front of our eyes, the question is if we are able to recognize it as such when our brain and vision are too clouded.
As I am thinking back to all the hardships and painful moments I have lived and can remember, I see now how much it has had control over my life and who I have become as a result, not realizing that it has shaped me into the human being I was back then with the way I think, feel and see myself, others and the world and thus the way it has shaped my belief system and how I react to life situations and the external world.
Once we become aware of the fact that we live in an unconscious mechanism - managed and controlled by our ego part - this is what we not only live with ourselves inside of us but this is what we reflect in this world. So, this brings us to the conclusion that your thoughts and your feelings create our external world. As it is inside, so it is outside. Which brings us to another conclusion -> no one is to blame for how you feel or how you live your life because at the end of the day no matter how bad or good your life is going, it is always the result of your choices.
When I notice that I am in blaming mode I don’t want to take responsibility for my life, for my emotions and to step up and choose a different path in life, to feel different about the way I live my life. It’s much easier to blame society, to blame politicians, the government, the big guys up in their thrones who seem to be controlling the world and us people. It’s easier to choose to wait for others who seem to have more power in their hand to fix the world problems because… who am I? Who are you? Are we really just some insignificant human beings of many who can’t do much to change what we want to have changed?
“Be the change you wish to see in this world.”
…quotes Mahatma Gandhi. And this is what he means. He means to change yourself before you go on to change the world. Because when you change yourself, you automatically will see the change in this world.
The solution doesn’t lie out there. It lies in each and everyone of us. And this power is called taking responsibility for your life and start healing your inner wounds. When we blame we keep contaminating the world with pain and resentment. We have not learned and this is why the world is the way it is. It seems so negative and dark because people have still not come to this realization and point of their lives to look within and acknowledge the deep void and huge lack of self-love and self-respect they try to fill up with blaming others and losing themselves in all kinds of addictions to not have to feel and heal the pain from the past.
It takes courage to decide to wake up from this nightmare and understand that the answer is in us, the answer is to recognize that we are all magicians who can transform our deepest pain in our biggest blessing if we choose to. Everything is a decision away. We can decide to change our negative thoughts into prosperous ones, we can change to feel differently about something or someone, we are not the victims of our circumstances. We are the creators of our reality. It is not willpower who will bring you there, it is the deep desire to heal and to learn to love again. Its the commitment to yourself that no matter what happens, you won’t give up until you have reconnected with the biggest power of all in you: Love.
As I look back I can see how much I was resisting to let go of my old wounds. It was almost as if I needed this suffering to have something to hold on to, to keep identifying myself with who I was at that point of my life. I needed to be someone in this world, I needed to keep up a reality that was known and “safe” to me. I couldn’t let go of it to open up for something different and unknown… and probably so much better and healthier. Until I saw how much this reality was breaking me more and more on the inside. We don’t suffer because we have a reason to. We suffer because we really believe we have reason to do so and unconsciously keep perpetuating this ongoing cycle of blame, pain, suffering.
Life has taught me to train my brain with each arising challenge to ask myself: “What good is this for? What does it want to teach me? What can I learn from it? How do I choose to feel about it?” Instead of: “How did I deserve this? Why me? What did I do to have to endure this?” Can you notice the difference of how one question makes you feel and how the other makes you feel? These are two different worlds.
Once you understand that no matter how good of a human being you think you are, life will always bring you difficult situations or confront you with hardships and unexpected situations. And believe me, it doesn’t do so to punish you. It actually gives you an opportunity to remember the strength, light and love that is hidden inside you and you only have forgotten while you kept identifying yourself with a false you.
So, next time you want to blame god, your loved ones or anything else for the reason of your misfortune, ask him instead: “What didn’t I learn yet that I can now from this situation?”
Remember, you can choose if you want to be the creator or the victim of your reality.
Gratitude is the attitude. And attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference, as Winston Churchill would say.
Thank you for reading me if you made it to this point. I really appreciate it. It means a lot to me as I also try to give my best with every new day and am still learning and healing while I am looking for a way to bring people and hearts together and make this world a little bit bitter with my presence.
I know life isn’t easy but try to understand more and resist less. It’s in the face of unexpected changes and adversities that we learn to see the true treasure hidden in them and use them as a stepping stone for growth and more abundance in life. Even though right now you might face moments in life that you don’t seem to understand why something is happening in your life or something that happened in the past… rest assured that it does have its reason to be. Life is so much more than how you might perceive it through your human mind and eyes. Digging deeper is the key.
Believe me, keeping in mind all of the things above will make a big difference in your life.
At least it did in mine in the past couple of years ever since life threw me on this peculiar self-discovery journey. ❤
